Improving Your Relationships

How Your Attachment Style has an Impact

What is Attachment Style?

An attachment style is how you relate to others with whom you have closer relationships. You may have different attachment styles with these different people in your life. We typically start to form these attachment styles as children with those who are our caregivers, and our early years can influence how we continue to form our attachment styles into adulthood. These styles influence how you interact with others, your thoughts, feelings, and your behaviours involving them as well. Sometimes when someone presents with a particular style, it can impact which attachment we form with them. There are different types of attachment styles, which are secure or insecure. The insecure types are anxious and avoidant attachment styles.  

How to know which one describes your style?

Below is a list of traits that fall into each attachment style.

A secure attachment:

• positive self-esteem
• good communication
• respect of boundaries
• trust
• demonstrates empathy
• able to compromise

An avoidant attachment:

• emotionally distant
• uncomfortable in asking to support
• lack of empathy
• difficulty talking about feelings
• feel like you can only rely on yourself

An anxious attachment:

• difficulty forming trust
• needing a lot of reassurance
• rigid boundaries
• struggles to compromise
• terrified of rejection

Changing our attachment style and developing healthier traits is possible – but it takes some effort, time, and patience. Working towards developing secure attachments will strengthen our relationship with others, and improve our mental and overall health and well-being.

Steps that you can take towards developing a secure style are to work on increasing self-awareness of your own thoughts, emotions, and actions, as well as strengthening communication skills.

Need help getting started? For more information or to book an appointment, Contact Us  at 250-718-9291 or email us at [email protected]

Written by: Maureen Wolfe, MACP

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