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For many, the holiday season is filled with joy and celebration and brings families together. However, it can also be a time of conflict due to differences in opinions, past traumas, and the stress of the season. This can create tension and anxiety for many family members. Here are some practical ways to manage conflicts and tension to maximize your ability to enjoy the holidays:
Set Clear Expectations
Before the holidays kick off, aim to have an open conversation with all family members about each of your expectations for the time you will spend together. This can include things like discussing how you will celebrate, what traditions will be upheld, other planned event, and any new ideas that someone may want to include this year. By establishing a shared understanding, you can reduce the potential for misunderstandings and avoid hurt from unmet or unclear expectations.
Practice Active Listening
When conflict occurs, emotions can run high. Do your best to listen actively during heated conversations; this means not just hearing the words, but also understanding the feelings and deeper meaning behind them. Try to acknowledge and validate others’ perspectives, even if you don’t agree. This allows you to defuse tension and enter a more respectful dialogue about the topic.
Choose Your Battles or Take a Break
Not every disagreement needs to escalate into a full-blown conflict. Before raising an argument, assess which issues are truly important that you need to vocalize and which are minor annoyances that may be able to be let go. Sometimes, preserving your energy and creating a more harmonious atmosphere can allow everyone to enjoy the holidays together. Alternatively, if a discussion escalates and becomes unproductive, it might be best to step away. Taking a break can prevent further conflict and give everyone time to cool down. The topic can always be revisited when everyone is feeling more grounded.
Create a Safe Space for Dialogue
If tensions do arise, it might be helpful to designate a quiet space where family members can discuss issues privately instead of being in front of other family members or children. This can avoid people taking sides in the argument and can allow you to address the underlying issues without the distractions of the larger gathering. In this designated sage space, encourage an environment where everyone feels safe to express their feelings without judgment.
Incorporate Humour and Light-Heartedness
Laughter can be a powerful tool in easing tension. Sharing a funny memory or an amusing anecdote can lighten the mood and help shift the atmosphere from confrontational to celebratory. This can help build a feeling of bonding between family members who are a part of the conflict.
Focus on Gratitude
Encourage family members to share what they’re grateful for during the holidays – this can be a great option whenever everyone is sitting down for a group meal. This practice shifts the focus away from the conflict and can remind everyone of the positive aspects of being together and what individuals appreciate about the experience.
The holidays are meant to be a time of connection and joy. By using these strategies, you can navigate family conflicts and create a more peaceful, memorable celebration for everyone involved.
Still Feeling Apprehensive About the Holidays?
OK Clinical Therapy Group has many wonderful counselors who are accessible online, in person at our various 9 locations across BC, and at flexible times including evenings and weekends. Any of our counselors would be happy to support you (and your loved ones) through the holidays or any other struggles you may be facing. You can read more about some of them here, or feel free to text or call 250-718-9291, and we’ll get you connected with the best counsellor to fit your needs. You can also email us at info@okclinical.com.
To learn more about what to expect for family or relationship counselling, check out the following resources:
- We have many counsellors who have completed Gottman Institute training
Written by: Nathan Hayward
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