Supporting Neurodivergent Adults    

If you’ve spent years being told you need to try harder, think differently, or that you’ll “just grow out of it,” the idea of therapy can feel more threatening than helpful. For many neurodivergent adults, that concern isn’t unfounded. Traditional mental health approaches were largely built around a neurotypical standard, meaning that anything outside of that standard was treated as a problem to be corrected. Neurodiversity-affirming therapy takes a very different stance, and understanding that difference might be the thing that finally makes support feel worth pursuing.  

What Neurodiversity-Affirming Therapy Actually Means 

Neurodiversity-affirming therapy is grounded in the understanding the neurological differences, whether that’s autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, or other variations in how brains work, are not deficits. They are part of the natural range of human experience. This isn’t just a philosophical stance; it has real, practical implications for how therapy is structured and what it aims to do.  

While a deficit-based approach might focus on reducing or managing “symptoms,” a neurodiversity-affirming approach might focus on supporting quality of life, building self-understanding, and working with how your brain actually functions rather than against it. Affirming support is about more than just knowing about neurodivergence or focusing on strengths. It’s about the values and practices that guide how a counsellor relates to you and what you’re working on together. 

Masking, Accommodations, and the Difference Between Them    

One of the most important concepts in neurodiversity-affirming therapy is masking. Masking refers to the process of hiding, suppressing, or compensating for neurodivergent traits in order to appear more “normal’ in social and professional settings. It might look like forcing eye contact, scripting conversations in advance, suppressing physical movements that help you regulate, or constantly monitoring how you’re coming across to others.  

Many neurodivergent adults have been masking for so long that it has become automatic. This is common across various types of neurodivergence, not just autism, and it tends to leave people feeling disconnected from their sense of self (Miller et al., 2021). Research has found that masking comes at a significant cost to mental health, self-esteem, and authenticity, raising serious questions about approaches that treat masking as a helpful coping strategy (Evans et al., 2024).  

This is where the distinction between masking and accommodation becomes meaningful in therapy. Accommodations are adjustments that make it easier for you to function and thrive. They work with your neurology, not against it. Masking, on the other hand, is about concealment, often at significant cost. A neurodiversity-affirming counsellor can help you sort out which strategies in your life are genuinely supporting you and which ones have been quietly draining you for years.  

Finding Yourself After a Diagnosis 

A lot of neurodivergent adults are diagnosed in their 20s, 30s, 40s, or later, often after years of wondering why certain things felt so much harder, or why they always seemed slightly out of step with the people around them. A diagnosis can bring enormous relief. It can also bring grief, anger, and a lot of questions about who you actually are underneath all the coping mechanisms you’ve built up over a lifetime.  

Neurodiversity-affirming therapy creates space for exactly this kind of identity work. That might involve exploring what traits or ways of being you’ve suppressed, what your actual needs are (rather than the needs you’ve been told you should have), and what a life that works for your brain could realistically look like. It’s less about getting “better” and more about getting to know yourself more honestly.  

How Neurodivergence Shows Up in Relationships 

Identity doesn’t exist in isolation, and neither does neurodivergence. The way your brain works affects how you communicate, how you experience conflict, what you need to feel close to someone, and how you recover when things go wrong in a relationship. For many neurodivergent folks, these dynamics have been a source of confusion or pain without ever being named or understood.  

A 2024 study exploring neurodivergent clients’ experiences of counselling found that affirming therapeutic relationships–ones characterized by genuine attunement to each person’s communication and sensory needs–were central to what made therapy actually helpful (Jones et al., 2024). That same quality of attunement is something that can be built in other relationships too, and therapy can be a place to figure out what that looks like for you, what you need from the people in your life, and how to ask for it in ways that feel realistic and sustainable.  

This is often where things start to shift for people. Understanding your own patterns makes it much easier to communicate your needs to others. For instance, why you shut down in certain conversations, why transitions are hard, or why some kinds of intimacy feel overwhelming. Knowing this about yourself can help you better recognize the kinds of connection that feel real and meaningful to you. 

What to Look for in a Neurodiversity-Affirming Counsellors 

Finding a counsellor who describes themselves as neurodiversity-affirming is a starting point, but it’s worth knowing what to listen for. In a first session or consultation, you might notice whether a counsellor asks about your communication preferences and adapts accordingly, whether they treat your neurodivergence as something to understand rather than fix, and whether they seem comfortable sitting with non-linear thinking or non-traditional ways of expressing yourself.  

It’s also worth asking directly about their experience and approach. A counsellor who is genuinely affirming will likely welcome these questions and will be honest with you if there are areas where they’re still learning.  

As a neurodivergent adult myself, this topic is near and dear to my heart. The right fit matters, and you deserve a counsellor who meets you where you are, not one you have to perform for. 

Call us at: (250)-718-9291 or email us at [email protected] 

References: 

Evans, J. A., Krumrei-Mancuso, E. J., & Rouse, S. V. (2024). What you are hiding could be hurting you: Autistic masking in relation to mental health, interpersonal trauma, authenticity, and self-esteem. Autism Adulthood, 6(2), 229–240. https://doi.org/10.1089/aut.2022.0115 

Jones, F., Hamilton, J., & Kargas, N. (2024). Accessibility and affirmation in counselling: An exploration into neurodivergent clients’ experiences. Counselling and Psychotherapy Research, 1–16. https://doi.org/10.1002/capr.12742 

Miller, D., Rees, J., & Pearson, A. (2021). “Masking is life”: Experiences of masking in autistic and nonautistic adults. Autism in Adulthood, 3(4). https://doi.org/10.1089/aut.2020.0083 

Written by: Lauren Lawrence

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