Boundaries

What are they?

They are guidelines that can be physical or mental that we establish to protect ourselves in our interpersonal relationships and for our personal comfort. Consequently, setting these can keep us feeling safe, protected, and from being taken advantage of. If we have healthy boundaries, it means we feel okay in saying “no” when we are asked to do something we are uncomfortable with. Boundaries are impacted by culture, experiences, and our caregivers when we were children.

The Different Types

There can be several types of boundaries:

• Emotional
• Physical
• Verbal
• Sexual
• Time
• Material

Additionally, we can set our boundaries to be too rigid, too porous, or to be healthy. Moreover, looking below, where do you think yours are right now?

Rigid:

• Don’t Ask for Help
• Avoid Close Relationships
• Seems Detached from Others
• Protective of Yourself and Personal Information

Porous:

• Find it Hard to say ‘No’
• Overshares too Much Personal Information
• Too Involved in Other People’s Problems
• Accepts Disrespect

Healthy:

• Value Your Own Opinion
• Will Not Compromise Your Own Values for Others
• Shares Personal Info Appropriately
• Is Comfortable Saying ‘No’ and Accepting ‘No’ from Others

Furthermore, our boundaries will vary depending on how close we feel we are to others in our lives. When we understand what ours are, we can then better protect ourselves from those boundaries being crossed. Sometimes our boundaries can unintentionally be crossed and if this happens it is then up to us to express our needs and boundaries, to ensure that it doesn’t happen again.

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Written by: Maureen Wolfe, MACP

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