Boundary Setting

Boundary setting is an important part of caring for oneself and maintaining relationships. While the concept can sometimes feel overwhelming or harsh, setting boundaries is ultimately a way to communicate to yourself and others that your needs matter. 

What are boundaries anyways?  

 Boundaries are not about controlling another person’s behaviour. Rather they are intended to protect your own resources, energy, and emotions when engaging with others. This means that healthy boundaries are centered around your own needs. These may be communicated to others or something you keep in mind when engaging with others.  

How to set boundaries  

Reflect on your relationships with others (or yourself)  

Asking yourself questions like “Do I have any unmet needs in these relationships?” or “Do I notice any discomfort or tension when I’m doing/around __?” can help to clarify what boundaries need to be set in order for you to feel balanced and supported. Noticing your emotions and physical reactions to different situations, people, or activities can give us valuable information. These can help identify where boundaries may be needed or where they’re currently being crossed.  

Know your values  

Thinking about what’s important to you and what you want in life is a great place to start when setting boundaries. For instance, some people may value their time alone which leads them to set boundaries on how long they spend time with others.  

Clear and Respectful Communication  

In some circumstances, it may be helpful to communicate your boundaries to another person while other times, boundary setting may be an internal process. If it is helpful to communicate your boundaries to those around you, it’s important to be as clear and straightforward as possible to avoid confusion. Being respectful while still communicating your needs is also important to get your message across effectively.  

Maintaining Boundaries  

While it’s important to set an initial boundary, being consistent and communicating when boundaries are crossed is also essential.  

Sitting with what comes up 

If setting boundaries is something that is new to you or just challenging in general, you may experience uncomfortable emotions of fear, guilt, or doubt. In these moments, it can be helpful to remind yourself of the values that led you to set the boundary in the first place while allowing the emotions to come and go.  

Additional Resources 

If you are looking to connect further or receive support, please reach out. Get in touch with us at 250-718-9291 or email us at [email protected].

If you are interested in specialized services, our team is here to help you explore your mental health through our counselling services. You can also refer to our General Counselling Services, our Types of Therapy or visit our booking page here

• Boundary Worksheet: https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/setting-boundaries 
• Stating What you Need Worksheet: https://positive.b-cdn.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/How-to-Set-Boundaries-State-What-You-Want.pdf  
• Dealing with boundary violations: https://positive.b-cdn.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Dealing-With-Boundary-Violations.pdf 
• https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/#worksheets 
  https://www.therapywitholivia.com/blog/a-therapists-guide-on-setting-healthy-boundaries 

Written by: Emma Fletcher, Practicum Student

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