How to do Better with Stress

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by stress, certain situations, people, or emotions?

Do you find yourself avoiding, running away from, or neglecting things that you don’t think you can handle?

Maybe some of these things, you know you’ll need to deal with eventually, but it’s just so stressful and anxiety-provoking that it never gets done and continues to be a weight that you carry around.  

“What can I do”? “How can I get out of this cycle”?

Well done! You’ve just taken the most important step in change – to recognize that there is a problem and ask the question, “what can I do about it”?

If the issue is ‘avoiding unpleasant emotions’, the answer is simple:

You need to learn how to handle unpleasant emotions.

“Okay, how the heck do I do that”?

The psychological term for this is “widening your window of tolerance”. Have a look at the picture of this post to get an idea of what this looks like.

Even though it would be really nice, you can’t just make unpleasant emotions go away. BUT you CAN train your mind and body to coexist peacefully and productively with the experience of discomfort.

Step 1: Take care of the basics – sleep and nutrition.

When you are feeling tired or weak, it is very difficult to navigate discomfort. A consistent sleep schedule and a nutritious diet will go an incredibly long way to making you a more resilient and balanced person ready to take on anything.

Step 2: Get connected – the importance of social support.

The human nervous system is wired for optimal functioning within community. Sure, you can push through and make it on your own, but this makes things so much harder than they need to be. Knowing and trusting that you’re not alone, will make you amazed by how much more you can handle.

Step 3: Actively seek discomfort – the real work.

When your basic needs of rest, nutrition, and connection are met, and you find yourself ready to keep growing and learning, now is the time to do stressful/uncomfortable things ON PURPOSE. In a controlled environment, when you’re inside your window of tolerance (or your ‘optimal zone of functioning’), take on something that scares you or makes you anxious. Have that difficult conversation. Challenge yourself more in your workout. Take cold showers (or slightly colder than you’re comfortable with). Ask that person out on a date.

Ask yourself

“What am I avoiding that I know would be good for me”

Then take your steps toward that thing, even though (especially when) it scares you.

Don’t let unpleasant emotions be the thing that stops you from living an incredible life.

You got this.

References: 

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/window-of-tolerance

Written by: Mykhaylo Petrynyak, BA Psych, MACP

mike@okclinical.com

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