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When we’ve been hurt by someone, the last thing we may want to do is to forgive them. Forgiving someone, especially if they have not apologized, can feel like we are compromising our values or condoning their actions. The journey to forgiveness is not simple or fast, but if we are willing to try, it can give us a sense of freedom. See below for some tips on how to harness the power of forgiveness:
Cultivate Empathy for Ourselves:
- We need to hold space for our hurt and pain before we can forgive.
- Talking through our pain with a trusted friend or counsellor can help us feel like our feelings have been heard and validated.
- Practicing self-compassion and self-soothing when we are hurting may also be helpful.
Reach Out for Support Meet Ourselves Where We’re At:
- We may not be ready to forgive, and that’s important to know about ourselves.
- Accepting where we are at is an important part of this process – forgiveness cannot be rushed.
- Holding the intention to forgive in the future, even if we are not ready to do so yet, can be powerful.
Empathize with the Other Person:
- Think about why the other person may have acted the way they did.
- Consider their possible motivations, and the various circumstances that may have had an impact on their actions.
- Consider that the other person may have been experiencing pain or confusion that may have contributed to their actions.
Communicate and Set Boundaries:
- It may be appropriate to let the person know how their actions impacted you, and to set boundaries with them for your future relationship.
- By having clear communication about the situation, there may be greater opportunities for healing and reconciliation, if that is desired.
There is no recipe for forgiveness. By considering some of the points above, and giving ourselves plenty of patience, we can begin to experience the freedom and peace that comes with letting go of resentment.
Interested in learning more? Check out these resources on how to manage stress:
- Mayo Clinic – https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/forgiveness
- American Psychological Association – https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/forgiveness
- If you are looking to connect further or receive support around forgiveness, please get in touch with us at 250-718-9291 or email us at info@okclinical.com.
Written by: Charlotte Spafford, Practicum Student
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