An Embodied Life
June 10, 2024
Brain Health
June 24, 2024
The Harm of Toxic Positivity on Authenticity
Have you ever felt the underlying need to be outwardly optimistic and positive but on the inside, you know it’s not true? That’s because negative emotions or the perception of negatives are so strongly avoided in our society and positivity is put on a pedestal. This puts us, members of society, in a seemingly perpetual state of performing positivity. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s nice when positivity is present. When we really feel it. However, when we force ourselves to live in a “positive vibes only” state and push away the “negative”, what we are really doing is invalidating ourselves and constructing an inauthentic reality. This when positivity becomes TOXIC.
Building Trust for Mental Wellness Discussions
Well firstly, we need to be mindful of where they are at. Maybe try to understand some of their barriers or concerns. For example, are they in denial? Do they have apprehension because of perceived stigma? Or do they just not think it is necessary? There are many reasons someone may be avoiding or refusing help, but step one is to begin a comfortable discussion around this and offer an understanding ear. Pushing and ignoring someone who is resistant will only nudge them further away or guilt them into attending. Either way, this is not the way to help.
When we create a safe environment and approach difficult topics with care, we provide a space where we can validate that person’s concerns, thoughts, and feelings. This builds trust and increases the likelihood that they will take a step towards mental wellness if not right away, then later down the road.
What does toxic positivity sound like?
- It could be worse
- Just stay positive!
- Look on the bright side
- Don’t be so negative
- Smile, crying won’t help
- Move on, it’s already happened so just get over it
- Just be positive
- You don’t need to feel that way
Now, have you ever said or heard any of those statements? It’s OK if you have, we all do. When people say these, they aren’t trying to invalidate, they are trying to help. The problem is that we, as a society, have been taught to be productive, to find solutions, and to move on. Inadvertently, this has also trained us to avoid sitting with the discomfort and to move to a positive mindset because “dwelling on it won’t help”. Although dwelling might not help, are we at least acknowledging the struggle, the challenge, the stress? We need to so we can deal with it and heal it. Remember, avoidance compounds rather than alleviates the problem.
So, what do we do?
Make space for all emotions, thoughts, and feelings. Get comfortable in discomfort. Show yourself and others that you ARE there and not tuning away. For example, rather than saying the above toxic statements, try instead the following:
- Your feelings matter
- That makes sense because…
- That sounds difficult, let’s talk about that…
- That’s valid!
- Your emotions are important
- I’m here, I’m listening
An Important Note:
When in doubt, a good rule of thumb is to simply ask questions. Help though discussion and providing a space to explore the difficult rather than pushing it away and moving on. Lastly, if the thought of doing that is hard for you, ask yourself why. You might learn more about yourself in the process.
Interested in learning more? Check out these resources on Apps for Mental Well-Being:
- Check out some of our services here – https://okclinical.com/general-counselling/
- You can connect with us directly online via JaneApp – https://okclinical.com/online-counselling/
- If you are looking to connect further or receive support those around you resistant to help, please get in touch with us at 250-718-9291 or email us at [email protected].
Written by: Kea Fox, Practicum Student
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